Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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