I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Still dying that you shit outside
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
