My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
