I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
