you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
