i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
