Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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