i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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