Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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