she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
