Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
