So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize