I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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