I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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