you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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