No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
