And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
