508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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