handjob tips. give me some.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
