Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
