Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so that wasnt chicken after all
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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