Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
