That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize