Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I can text with my tongue
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
