He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
