just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize