Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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