he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Your penis caused this!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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