Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
