I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
