Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
