Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize