OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Where is the hickey?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
