I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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