Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
