he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i think i have two assholes
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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