I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
