My room smells like vodka and shame
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
