i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
