Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize