Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
