I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I smell like Dick and happiness
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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