I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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