If i come over, it means nothing
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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