Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
