I'm so fucking centered right now
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
