my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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