spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
BRING THE BAGELS
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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