At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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