actually, I'm a sock model
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just blew my weed a kiss
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
