never play flip cup with pint glasses
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
