I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
