It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i think i have herpe
just one?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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