Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
