Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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