I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize