Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
