my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
