apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
