It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
