You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
