Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
