I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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