Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
