this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
In other news, I just burned my penis
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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