Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
