if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
