i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
