why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize