I just saw a hot homeless man
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
