i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
