I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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