It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
as a side note pls kill me
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
