Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Ketchup is God's man juice
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
