Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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