I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
