I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
