filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
