i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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