My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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