Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
