If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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