i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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