Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
