Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
