he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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