I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize