There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
