how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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