Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
